My Zombie Laptop

My computer has this issue where the CPU gets really, really hot (It burns the heck out of my leg) and the computer turns off (Presario CQ50 by Compac- DO NOT BUY if you have pets/relatives that shed hair). It annoys me to no end because whenever it overheats, it doesn't save any restore data so I lose whatever I'm working on at the time. It makes me want to rip my hair out and run around the house screaming, then smash it to bits with a hammer (but I would never do that, I love it too much).

This has to be the hottest summer ever, so of course that only escalates the problem.

For the past two days I've been able to get the thing to boot up and maybe check my Facebook partially before it overheats (So it runs for like two minutes at a time). I can't do anything. I downloaded a program that told me the CPU was about 250 degrees when it overheated; Do you know how long it takes for that to cool down? On a summer day? A long time.

I thought it might be some random graphics processor issue because I was using Windows 7 with the transparent toolbar and all so I booted off a CD for Ubuntu 10 that I just happened to have with me (Yes, I'm a nerd...) as if that would fix anything. I wasn't surprised when nothing changed.

My next plan was to text my dad, the computer genius. He said to wait until he got home.

I kind of wish I hadn't asked.

After a few minutes of trying to split my hard-drive partitions or something, the computer overheated as usual. He flipped the thing over and went into the garage to get something. This was when I knew things had to be bad. The only things in there are junk from three+ years ago, his stash of vegetable oil/filtering contraptions, or his toolbox.

He came in with a can of liquid CO2.

In case you don't know, liquid CO2 is like ice in a can. He coated the bottom of my poor laptop with it until it had iced over completely. After this, my brother took the can and stared spraying bananas/the counter/anything else while we tried (unsuccessfully) to make my computer retain life for more than a few minutes.

Since we turned it on while it was upside-down, we noticed that the fan wasn't working at all. Vacuuming the fan kind of (not really) worked before, so we tried doing that. It still wouldn't turn. When poking it didn't work either, my dad insisted that we cut through the exterior to get to the fan so we could see if any cat hair was clogging it up.

Was he insane? Cut my beautiful laptop? With a dremel tool? No. Absolutely not. There was no point trying to save it from the dead. Why couldn't he just let it rest in peace?

Of course not. He said he'd rather say he tried his best to fix it before he bought a new one.

I sat in fear as he screwed the cutting wheel in place. He'd said that he was making my laptop better.

"Yeah," I'd replied, "And I'm sure that's what Dr. Frankenstein said, too."

Within a few minutes, the beautiful, smooth plastic cover on the bottom of my laptop was marred by a scraggly looking black scar and a gaping hole, revealing the dusty, cat fur-clad fan. After a few long, panicked moments and relentless prodding/picking/vacuuming, the poor thing showed no signs of life. But then it twitched.

It twitched.

In the next second, it barfed up a large clump of gray cat hair and began spinning- but it was quiet. My fan has buzzed/made loud blowing noises for as long as I can remember. But not now. We had succeeded in bringing my dead computer back to life- it was a zombie.

I'm posting this from my zombie laptop, and the temperature is leveling out at around 150 degrees. I has never done that before. Ever. Now I just have to deal with a giant ugly hole in the bottom until my dad fixes it...

On a side note, aliens are trying to communicate with us through meat. Can anyone read this?



My dad seriously found this on his rib bone. I'm concerned.