I have Perfect Rug for You

Today, my mom dragged me into civilization so we could buy legit things. She took me to Goodwill and bought a bunch of gaudy, brightly colored plates so we could smash them with a hammer and make stepping stones out of them. The cashier asked us multiple times if we had seen a small chip in one plate. I thought it was ridiculous, since we were going to do far worse damage to the plate. I didn't want to tell her because she had already wrapped up half of our plates in newspaper and I didn't want her to feel like her efforts had been wasted.

After that, my mom took me to Sam's Club. We don't actually have a membership there, we just decided it would be a good place to look for rugs. The rug we were going to get had to match a specific pillow, but we didn't trust our memories and decided to drag the pillow around the store in a large plastic bag. The man at the front of the store stopped us and asked us about our pillow. He said that we could browse through his rugs.

Multiple employees eyed us and our pillow suspiciously, as if they knew we were insane lunatics and we didn't belong here because we didn't have a membership.

The king-of-rugs employee spoke bad English, but he was determined to find us the absolute perfect rug to match our pillow. "No, no, come, I have perfect rug for you," he urged us as we tried to sneak past him. He showed us countless ornamental rugs whose patterns clashed horribly with the pillow, but the colors were somewhat similar. My mom let him know that the rugs were too busy, and he rifled through his large rug stack until he found a semi-contemporary looking rug that almost matched. "Perfect rug for you," he insisted. We kindly let him know that it wasn't what we were looking for and crept away.

The lady at the exit asked us about our pillow.

At Pier 1 Imports, a friendly employee followed us around the store after we asked her a question, determined to provide "helpful" suggestions for everything we looked at. When she was ringing us up, she insisted that my mother write down her email so they could send her a weekly newsletter with "great deals" and that we should sign up for a Pier 1 card or complete a survey to save $10 on our purchase. We kindly refused and practically ran out of the store.

By the end of the day, we had collected multiple colored dishes, a lonely pillow, some paper lanterns, and a metal cat porch ornament.