What is This, I Don't Even...

Have you ever had some weird, disturbing dream that doesn't seem relevant to your life whatsoever? I need like a dream interpreter or something because this one creeped me out to no end.

So there was this giant yellow spider sitting on a table. This big ugly caterpillar crawled up to it around back and started nibbling at the spider's abdomen. It chewed this huge hole out of which spider guts were pouring from. The spider didn't seem to notice yet. The caterpillar proceeded to climb inside the spider, empty out the spider guts, and barf up a large quantity of caterpillar eggs. Then it started squeezing through the hole, all slimy and yellow and covered with spider juices, and crawled over a few inches away from the spider. The hole sealed up as soon as the caterpillar was free.

Then the spider decided to notice that there was a large scar on its back and its insides were completely devoid of necessary body systems and replaced by caterpillar eggs and started screaming. It was a horrible, high pitched keening. It was probably the worst part of the nightmare aside from what happened next.

The caterpillar eggs had incubated inside the spider for some time and had begun to hatch. Little miniature caterpillar babies began to gnaw their way through the spider's flesh and crawl out to their mother. The spider flailed around wildly and began to scream louder. The caterpillar babies were crying and everything was covered in spider blood and guts. The spider's legs were splayed in every direction and twitching madly. It looked kind of like this:

At this point, I appeared in the dream. I grabbed a large knife off the counter and began hacking blindly at anything that moved. Baby caterpillar guts mixed with those of the decapitated spider, who was still screaming, and unidentifiable pieces of bug flew through the air, splattering on the windows and walls.

It was basically a bug massacre.

What does this mean?

NO Do Not Touch

A few days ago, my mom crashed on her bike, flew over her handlebars, and landed on a wasp, which stung her. It gave her a rash that is still barely healed.

Today, my mom and I were walking outside to look at the garden and she saw a weed. On impulse, she decided to pull it. She had no idea that this was lurking under a leaf:

Look at its face. Doesn't it just look like it wants to eat you? I think it would be sad to look pissed-off all your life. Even if you were extremely happy or excited about something, no one would be able to tell because they'd be too busy wondering what they did to make you so angry that you're probably plotting to nom all over their face and rip out their eyeballs.

Anyways, those little barb-hair things are filled with stinging venom. My mom thought it might have been a thorn, but no. It was a caterpillar. Did you know they could sting? I didn't.

She was worried that her eyes would start bleeding or she would get radioactive powers like Spiderman or something else catastrophic, so I looked up stinging caterpillars on Google. I found out that they're called saddleback caterpillars and their poison can cause swelling, nausea, and rash.

WARNING: Do not touch.

Update

Nothing exciting enough to be posted on my blog is happening right now, so I spend all my time randomly searching the internet or drawing, which is why I haven't posted anything extremely hilarious lately. I figure I should at least post what I've been doing, so for anyone who cares, here's a link to my deviantART gallery. (:

http://below-the-surf.deviantart.com/gallery/

Vacation

Most people spend their vacations shopping/at the spa/relaxing/swimming/etc. How did I spend my first night at the beach? With my little brother, shining a lazer pointer at people from our 7th floor hotel room.

He discovered that he could shine it all the way down to the boardwalk below our deck, so we spent the evening running in and out to avoid the stares of people who figured out where the lazer was coming from. Some people waved. Some people frowned. Some people stopped their bikes in the middle of the boardwalk. One kid chased it in circles around the beach.

Other than that, we did normal stuff too. We swam in the ocean and got drowned by waves and had our sinuses washed with saltwater. A pod of dolphins swam close to the shore, and we were pretty far out so they were only about twenty feet away. We practically died of dehydration and heat stroke at an amusement park. We chilled out at a lodge. Vacation is cool.